Page 16 THE VILLADOM TIMES I • October 22, 2014 Pumpkins and mums: Much too good to waste What do pumpkins and mums have in common? Both are too good to waste. Pumpkins pop up on many front porches at this time of year. They are not growing there. They are a suburban fash- ion statement. People also buy a pumpkin, put it on the front steps, and then a few weeks later take it and leave it on the curb. They seem to forget that pumpkins are edible, which is why they are featured in harvest festivals. My wife knows pumpkins are edible. In the immediate aftermath of World War II, the people in her bombed-flat Tokyo neighborhood spoke in hushed tones of a neighbor known as the Pumpkin Man. He was lucky enough to have a bumper crop of pumpkins grow in his backyard while most people were flavoring their rice with dandelions. He was selfish enough not to share the pumpkins. The neigh- bors soon noticed he was gradually turning bright orange. Toward the end of the cycle, his face purportedly became huge and rotund. He was said to be a sort of “were-pump- kin,” punished for his greed by turning into a pumpkin. There were plenty of edged weapons in his neighborhood -- we’re talking samurai country here, folks -- but nobody decided to slice him up. They simply stopped talking to him. Who wants a were-pumpkin at a garden party or a wedding? I thought this was an urban legend until I told it to our Korean foster son -- adopted as a near-adult when his home- bound family agreed to cover his college costs. He blushed and confessed that he had once been a were-orange. Once, in a mood of wretched excess, he knocked off three bowls of Mandarin oranges. When he woke up the morning after, he was orange. This was a guy who once broke a plank with one finger -- “Of course it hurt, but that’s not the point” -- but he con- tacted medical help immediately. It was bad enough to con- stantly be introduced as a guy who once broke a plank with one finger, so being an orange-skinned guy who breaks planks with one finger could qualify for action comic status. Not to worry. He was orange because of a familiar Asian malady in which people who already have a golden skin hue unwisely consume too much orange food. Asian physicians are familiar with the condition, apparently a mild and tem- porary form of keratosis, a disease that can be dangerous in extreme or prolonged instances. The kid was fine in about a week. The Pumpkin Man’s prolonged issue was not a matter of record. He probably never came out of the house. People who hate waste and have pumpkins should know that, taken in moderate doses, pumpkins are good for you. My wife, who hates waste, compiled some recipes from American friends who work with American pumpkins. You basically cut the pumpkin into bite-size chucks, throw away the outer skin, and put the pumpkin pieces in flour sea- soned with salt and pepper. These pumpkin bits can either be baked or fried. Pumpkin bits can also be baked with olive oil until they are soft and seasoned to taste. I have tried some of these and they are quite tasty, and I’m not saying that just because my wife knows where I sleep and is good with a knife. Best of all, I have never turned orange. The largest recorded U.S. pumpkin, incidentally, is said to have weighed 2,032 pounds, but reportedly did not taste very good. Maybe somebody tried to eat it all at once. The last 32 pounds were probably a bit too much. Yet people still do eat pumpkins from time to time instead of putting them out on the curb. They are a great source of Vitamin A. You just have to know when to quit. Mums are also popular at this time of year. The same people who buy an expendable pumpkin buy expendable mums, and expend the mums along with the pumpkins. If they used the mums to plan and plant a rock garden instead of plowing their front lawns as if they were expecting a wheat crop, they could launch a personal protest against global warming. I remember a touching painting I saw at the Metropoli- tan Museum of Art just before my daughter got married. A traditional Japanese husband and wife were sitting in the backyard garden, which was about the size of one slab of concrete sidewalk, singing to the moon. The painting, as I remember it, featured a whole bunch of chrysanthemums. The chrysanthemums were probably the only impressive flowers the older husband and wife could coax out of the soil in a garden that size, and the touching scene convinced me never to let a chrysanthemum go to waste. We buy them in pots, yes, but we plant them if they have any life left in them, and they come back every year. The husband and wife in the painting were both obvi- ously drunk, which presages what happened to one of us at the reception once, and to one of us twice. My wife does not drink, but she mistook the sangria for fruit punch and felt she needed some extra vitamins to get through the week- end. She retained her noble dignity and decorum, but she turned orange without benefit of pumpkins. I have no excuse. My daughter’s reception was in Wood- row Wilson’s residence, Prospect House, on the Princeton campus. Out of sheer hereditary defiance, I drank a lot of Rhine wine, which is not noted for its vitamin content. Grapes are not health food after fermentation, but we Com- puter Neanderthals are partial to the Rhine Valley. While Probus Caesar reportedly introduced grape cultivation after the cave bears died, we are too grateful to indulge in extended ethnic malice. See my good friend Thomas Flem- ing’s book, “The Illusion of Victory,” for more on Wood- row Wilson. All in all, it was quite a reception. As things were wind- ing down, a polite young Chinese man asked me if I was the father of the bride. Since I was the tallest white man in the room, I assume he had received the usual description. “Can we have the half-empties for our after-hours part at Tower Club?” he asked. “We’re Asian and hate to see anything go to waste.” (This sounded familiar.) “How old are you, son?” I asked. “Twenty-seven, sir.” “Twenty-seven, eh?” I said, lapsing into a John Wayne imitation. “You don’t know how old I am, do you? You probably think old white guys are corny, but when I was your age, I was playing cowboys and Indians with real Indi- ans!” Being the kind of guy I am, I told him to take the half- empties, but he grabbed me by one arm. “Emily, we’re taking your dad to the drinking party! This guy is the bomb! He’s hilarious.” “No you’re not, Jimmy!” Emily declared. “Don’t talk to him, don’t listen to his cheesy Indian stories, don’t ever stare into his eyes because he’ll hypnotize you in a minute, and if he talks about somebody named Uncle Russ, he’s making the whole thing up.” Uncle Russ once told her he was proud to hear she was going to prison, and then blamed my wife’s influence when Emily told him she was actually going to Princeton. She never really appreciated Uncle Russ. My son dug him. My son stuffed me in the cab of the SUV, tuxedo and all, and told his mother not to give me the keys until the sun came up over the mud lot down hill from the Princeton campus. My daughter, in the meantime, having watched Jimmy and his colleagues scuttle off to Tower Club with the half-empties, deputized her brother, her husband, and her three brothers-in-law to get the corked bottles back to the liquor store for a refund. Had Uncle Russ and his three brothers and 17 kids all shown up, the refund would have been pocket money instead of a couple of grand, but the kids at Tower Club would have heard that all my cheesy stories were true. People waste stuff besides pumpkins and mums -- but pumpkins and mums are a good place to stop. Letters to the Editor Committeeman believes in balance Dear Editor: I love Wyckoff and I love serving the people of our great community. On Nov. 4, I’m seeking a new term to the Wyckoff Township Committee. By Election Day, I will have visited more than 2,000 homes in our town. On these doorsteps, I have had the opportunity to meet many resi- dents and hear their concerns. As deputy chair of our municipal Finance Committee, I have been working successfully to limit increases in spend- ing. We have had an average annual increase of only 1.2 percent, despite double-digit hikes in mandated payments to Trenton for public pension and health benefits. Since 2006, I have been working to protect our town’s character and prudently preserve parkland in our commu- nity. We received a $1.9 million grant for Russell Farms, and we have been working to turn the property into a park we all can enjoy. This past year, I strongly supported a revised side-yard setback and floor-area ratio ordinance to prevent overbuilding. I initiated the Nifty Fifty program in 2009 and partici- pation in the Sustainable Jersey program. Both of these efforts are saving tax dollars by increased recycling and energy conservation. I wrote and introduced our outdoor dining ordinance. My liaison assignments have included the Wyckoff Recreation Board, ambulance corps, DPW, Wyckoff Family Y, and the Zabriskie House Board of Trustees. To each of these assignments, I have sought to bring new ideas. I have taken more than 20 Rutgers courses and New Jersey League of Municipalities seminars on local govern- ment and participated in hundreds of meetings on town business over the past five years. I’ve served on our library board and planning board, and I have been a strong sup- porter of our volunteer emergency services, including as a member of the Community Emergency Response Team. In addition to serving on the Wyckoff Board of Health, I have assisted our seniors on tax, health, and transportation issues. I have received much positive feedback on my quar- terly e-mails on town issues and events. I want to continue to ask the questions that need to be asked and to continue to bring a positive, proactive, and non-partisan balance to our town’s governing body, ensur- ing as much transparency as possible. I believe our town has been well-served by this balance. Please vote on Nov. 4. For more information about me and the work I am doing for Wyckoff, please visit www. ScanlanForWyckoff.org or www.Facebook/ScanlanForW- yckoff, contact me at (201) 670-6879 (home) or (201) 921- 4541 (cell), or e-mail me at bdscanlan@gmail.com. Brian D. Scanlan Wyckoff Supporting Marcus for BOE Dear Editor: I support Jennifer Marcus for a position on the Frank- lin Lakes BOE. Marcus, an anesthesiologist, has two chil- dren in the public schools and has lived in the community for eight years. Unlike many past and current campaigns for BOE, Marcus’ campaign has clearly articulated objec- tives. Marcus understands that the BOE should represent taxpayers and parents in holding our district accountable in meeting financial and educational goals. She intends to implement very clear objectives. It should be noted that the absence of any clear stance appears to be the hallmark of many who have run. I note three key objectives and encour- age readers to contact Marcus for her full platform. Specifically: Marcus intends to evaluate the computer software pro- grams used in place of traditional teaching. She is one of the few to ask if these programs have been proven effec- tive. Marcus will examine the impact of the core curriculum on the learning experience. She will listen to the district’s educators, parents, and experts and question whether a cen- tralized approach whose focus is on testing and propagat- ing the policy of the federal government has a place in our classrooms. Marcus demands accountability and has the executive (continued on page 17)