Page 14 THE VILLADOM TIMES II • September 4, 2013 The python gags The PBS show, “Nature,” recently presented a factual account of how Burmese pythons, dumped in the Ever- glades by their former owners, had taken to eating cute animals, grew to enormous bulk due to lack of competi- tion, and then moved on to challenge the alligators as the swamp’s top predators. Many “Nature” shows are worth watching until you memorize the dialogue. The shows on birds of paradise and hummingbirds were two of one could actually watch while eating supper. Watching pythons eat stuff was beyond that other great PBS show, “Secrets of the Dead,” where only the titles are deliberately disgusting. We saw a metaphorical example of that when one of my much younger colleagues took the chop through a situation that was not his fault. In his case, the python did not do as well as those in the Everglades, but that cannot be blamed on a young man who worked as hard as he did and was obviously learning his job quite well. I will not mention his name because I wish him well and do not want any- thing vaguely negative to turn up under his name that might interfere with future employment somewhere a little higher on the food chain. The metaphorical python, dropped off in the subur- ban forest that is northwest Bergen County, was the most recent attempt to seize control of the advertising market that revolves around Paramus, which is a Lenape Indian word that means “shopping center.” Supplemented by the Corridors of Doom that Route 17 and lower Route 4 have become, and whatever may be left of downtown Hacken- sack, where people used to ride their horses or oxcarts to shop when I was a little kid, there is enough advertising in Paramus support one media giant: one as in single, all alone, or autonomous. One. About three years ago, a corporate entity capitalized on the fact that most people obtain their national and state news from computers and other electronic sources, such as they are, and decided to launch a computer-accessible news source where people could not only read an account of what had happened at last night’s meeting but even comment about it under their actual or assumed names. Print journal- ism as we knew it seemed about to become an anachronism or a regional oddity limited to places where there was not enough advertising to support even a small newspaper. The Cuban Missile Crisis of 1963 was a whole lot worse, but losing your job when you do not want to retire and move to such places is edgy. Once before, something like this happened except that the technology was different. About 20 years ago, another outside money man decided to buy up most of the smaller newspapers in northwest Bergen County and the greater Paramus area, and make them into something that was cor- porate rather than personal and could be produced by one worn-down professional journalist and a gaggle of eager amateurs, and then strangle the Hackensack mega-paper. They literally aimed to hire a guy with a divorce and a drinking problem as the editor and kids with zero expe- rience as the reporting staff. This was the python pitted against the alligator, which actually had some professional news people on staff. The cute animals moved through the python’s digestive tract while the adversaries stalked one another. We all know what happened. A couple of python survi- vors got together and started the paper you are reading now. “The Outlaw Journalist” column appeared in the first issue and has appeared ever since. Despite the photograph with all those cap-and-ball revolvers -- unloaded, I assure you -- the column was not based on visual terroristic threats. The premise was that while other papers had big-time sacred cows and secret enemies, and treated their hirelings like serfs, our paper treated employers like fellow Americans with full sets of human rights, did not play Celebrity Man- hunt trying to compromise political figures who did not kowtow to us, and did not cover up wrong-doing because the culprits belong to the same country club or political party. We told the truth as northwest Bergen County people knew it. The schools are pretty good, but far from per- fect and way too expensive; some municipal agencies are over-staffed; and destroying historic houses and knocking down trees to cover land with artificial turf and asphalt contributes to regional flooding. Ridgewood actually has parking problems. A couple of the other schools are really not all that great, and some teachers should not have been employed. It worked! There were enough people out there who respected editorial integrity to give the paper an ample number of repeat readers. We kept growing. Meanwhile, back in the media Everglades, the alligator would appear to have gobbled down the python. One day we got the news that so-and-so editor had been fired and that so-and-so publisher got out of the country because he always liked England better and we were still in print -- and have been ever since. We like northwest Bergen County better than anyplace. Our readers are smart enough to spot a phony and our advertisers are smart enough to know that they should not pay vastly larger amounts to compete with Paramus and Hackensack. About the time the previous python slid down the sur- viving alligator’s gullet, this moved from being my night job to my day job. Another self-proclaimed genius bought the trade paper where I hung my editor’s visor and decided that he would make millions by firing people who knew their jobs and replacing them with eager young kids and part-time adults. One day we call came to work and found the computers unplugged, the swivel chairs on top of the desks, and the paper files spilled out all over the back alley where we parked when we could find space. Everybody who was not of the same ethnic group as the publisher was fired on the same day. My wife inconveniently lost her job the same week, and my daughter got admitted to Princeton about the time this all transpired. Back at the last real family-owned paper in Bergen County, I got some expanded hours and a bigger salary, and took up tutoring to cover the shortfall between two jobs and one. We survived with much prayer and thrift. Meanwhile, the trade paper that had survived for 50 years under the old management that had offered a minor pension plan, tanked after 18 months under the cost-cutter. Abusive manage- ment may amuse people with inferiority complexes, but it never really works. Both kids finished college with a little help from Mom and Pop and their own part-time jobs, and both have chil- dren and own homes of their own. Right now, my two infant grandsons are having a contest to see who is the most precocious, while my one granddaughter holds the title for most precious. In the midst of preparing for my most recent new grand- son’s arrival, we got the word that the latest python had been done in, this time not by the alligator, which may also be in bad shape, but by the economy. According to one reli- able news source, the corporation was taking in about one- quarter of what it was paying out, so they did the usual U.S. corporate thing and cut the number of productive workers as opposed to the tactics of our overseas corporate com- petitors. In my career here, I have had some heated arguments with coworkers, but I have never been stabbed in the back. Show me a job you can say that about anywhere and I will show you a job that has great survivor potential, because the better workers will be reluctant to jump ship, and they will not be fired for irresponsible reasons. It is sad that people who were in no way responsible for bad corporate planning had to take the chop for it. How- ever, I would be a bit of a fake if I shed any crocodile (or alligator) tears about losing competition. Everybody claims to love competition. Everybody actually hates it unless they have a few loose screws rattling around upstairs. The people who really benefit from competition are the read- ers, because if newspapers make too many mistakes, show too obvious a personal or political bias, or charge excessive rates for ads that reach the wrong market, the readers and the advertisers still have a choice. We are that choice. Nobody is sad when a python dies, and alligators will never replace Bambi or Thumper as nursery favorites. I wish my younger colleagues well at a job somewhere else. Journalism is that kind of business. The python and the alligator should have known better than to tangle with us. I hear you can make shoes out of those things, and my fash- ion consultant tells me I need a couple of pairs. Ridgewood Village hosts children’s workshops Ridgewood’s recreation division will host a variety of classes and workshops for the village’s youngest residents during September and October. Classes are held at The Stable, 259 North Maple Avenue in Ridgewood, unless oth- erwise noted. My First Art with Abrakadoodle is for children ages 20- 42 months. Class will meet on Tuesdays from 10 to 10:45 a.m. beginning Sept. 24. Caregivers join little ones as they paint, draw, sculpt, read books, play art games, and listen to music. The fee is $110 for this six-week session and includes all materials. Happy Feet, for children ages three through five, will be hed Wednesdays from 1 to 2 p.m. beginning Sept. 18. Students will learn basic ballet positions and thematic movement exploration. Formal dance attire is not required; students should dress comfortably. The fee is $60 for the six-week session. Chinese for Children is offered to youngsters ages three through five years on Mondays from 2:30 to 3:30 p.m. The class will begin Sept. 16. Students absorb a new language in an immersion environment filled with exciting and age- appropriate action games, visual aids, vocabulary-building songs, and more. The fee is $149 for the six-week session. A materials fee of $29.95 will be charged by the Language Workshop for the first session and every other session thereafter. Children ages three through five may participate in Mini Doodler with Abrakadoodle on Wednesdays from 1:30 to 2:15 p.m. beginning Sept. 18. This mixed-media class will include work with paints, prints, sculpture, collage, and more. The fee is $110 for the six-week session, and includes all materials. Happy Piano, for children ages three through five, will meet on Thursdays beginning Sept. 19. Students will learn the basics of music theory and how to play familiar songs. Educational songs, props, and teaching aids will be used. Classes are offered in half-hour sessions. Sessions will begin at 1:15 p.m. and 1:45. The fee is $120 for the six-week session. Material kits are required for all new students and will be available for purchase on the first day of class. The additional $35 fee for these kits is payable to Happy Piano. Sport Squirts is offered to children ages three through five. This Tuesday class will begin Sept. 17. One-hour ses- sions will be offered at 9:30 a.m., 10:45 a.m., 12:30 p.m., or 1:45 p.m. Students will be introduced to five sports: soccer, basketball, lacrosse, T-ball, and hockey. The fee is $125 for six classes, and all equipment is provided. Sessions will be held at Veterans Field North, which is located behind Vil- lage Hall at 131 North Maple Avenue. Children ages three through five are invited to play T- ball on Thursdays beginning Sept. 19. One-hour sessions will be offered at 10:45 a.m., 12:30 p.m., or 1:45 p.m. at Veteran’s Field North. Participants learn the basics of T- ball, including throwing, hitting, pitching, catching, base running, and fielding. The program is $125 for six classes, and all equipment is provided. Elementary school children may choose from a variety of after school programs. Classes will be held at The Stable, 259 North Maple Avenue or in the Community Center in (continued on page 23)